This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
