Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
vagina is talking i cant
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
