So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
