he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
