The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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