i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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