so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
