Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
