You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
