Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
