it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
