wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
