so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
