i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
