I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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