my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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