yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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