Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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