it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
