my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
