I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
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