I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
