The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
