considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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