if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
