last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
