a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A+ Viking dick
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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