Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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