Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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