I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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