If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
