Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
