I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
