My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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