When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.