Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.