And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.