atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.