new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.