i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
They are going to name an STD after you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.