so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.