no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
