I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
