Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
