My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
40s are totally the cure
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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