i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
