I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
