Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
