I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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