Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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