This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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