I puked a lego.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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