I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
