bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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