You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
