I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
