you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
