that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
