Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
