I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
