I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
