Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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