took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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