So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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