The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
