In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
