Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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