dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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