Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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