Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
And then he peed in my hair
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