Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
