I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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