Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
