That's when you crack a 10am beer
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
