I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
